Monday, August 8, 2011

Awkward Things That Happen in Life: Part I

I don't know about you, but I delight in other people's awkward moments. I've had my fair share in life - I'm a little awkward on occasion. And the more you over-think it, the more awkward it gets, thus, the funnier it gets. Here are the first. But don't worry, it won't be like, you know, those 'hilarious' Facebook groups. Well, probably not.

1. A friend of a friend situ. You're with a friend and their friend who you don't know that well, and your friend goes to the loo, and you both know what's coming - and it would be fine, because you're already talking, but there's a momentary pause, that fatal pause, and suddenly, BAM! - it's awkward... ('I've just got to go to the kitchen, for er... something. ANYTHING.')

2. Silence at the dinner table. There's loads of you and you've all been getting on famously, but there's one tiny moment when one person stops talking and everyone is either drinking or chewing - shit, and you can hear the knives and forks scraping on the plates and every last gulp - the only option then is, 'terrible weather we've been having...'

3. When you just can't hear what someone's saying. You say pardon, and you've still got no idea, and then they say it with exactly the same intonation and garble and it's just easier to say 'yeah'...' or laugh. Everyone knows you just can't say pardon more than three times, it's the rules...

4. Seeing an acquaintance at the bus stop. Now, are you supposed to exchange pleasantries and then continue the conversation on the bus, or will they go to the opposite end of the bus and put their headphones in to avoid any more small-talk? If of the opposite sex, will they think I fancy them if I sit next to them on a bus that's less than full? Veritable minefield.

5. Making eye contact. Well, eye contact can be awkward in a number of ways, whether you're not having it, or you are. For some people, not me. Obviously. Like, when you look at someone in the street because you think they're someone you know, or a celebrity. And your face has the beginnings of the smile, and you're just about to open your mouth to say hi, and you realise that it's just a stranger looking at you weirdly because you've been staring at them for way too long.

Part II

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