Thursday, October 25, 2012

What People Really Mean

People are horrible. They rarely say what they mean and everything they say is a thinly veiled insult.




Well, not everyone and not all the time, but sometimes, you just KNOW other people are not being entirely honest. Like, they can't help it. It's a very English thing to do - you couldn't possibly say what you really mean. It would disrupt the entire stiff upper lip thing that's going on.




What people really mean when they say:



"You're glowing." 
"You look like a lobster." 



"Honestly I don't mind." 
"I do a bit. But I've said I'll do it now so I can't really back out." 



"You look fine." 
"That outfit's not really that great but I want to go out and get pissed." 



"I'm sorry." 
"I'm only apologising so you'll apologise too." 



"Are you sure?" 
"This is a completely meaningless statement."




"It was great to see you." 
"I can't remember if I've met you before. This is suitably non-committal." 



"Come if you want to." 
"I don't want you to come but I'm too passive aggressive to say that." 



"You look interesting/different." 
"What the hell have you done to yourself?!" 



"I was too busy." 
"I forgot but want to sound important and have an excuse so I don't sound flaky." 



"Sorry, but..." 
"I'm not sorry at all. I want to say something insulting." (the same goes f0r: 'I'm not being funny, but...' and 'no offence, but...') 



"Would you like to [insert shit task that no-one would ever LIKE to do]?" 
"You haven't really got a choice. I'm TELLING you." 


"I'm too tired." 
"I can't be arsed." 



"Am I the only person who thinks that..." 
"I'm definitely not but want to seem original. And I want to be a stand-up comic so I'm working on observational humour. HAHAHAHAHA." 



"I don't really use Facebook." 
"I don't want you to add me, you creep/pervert." 



"As I said before..." 
"As you've clearly ignored what I said before I'll say it again..."


And finally, a classic:


"You look well."
"You've put on weight." 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ive always thought its not what people say. Its why they say it. These are only words after all. The time you give to these people is what you should be questioning if they make you feel this way.

@wesley_yates

Charlotte Coxhead said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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